A Broken Back

Another explanation
Another whacked out crack
At another creation

Another infected wound
Bleeding on your shirt
How impolite
And who cares if you're hurt

Can't you shut up
Don't you know by now
We're never given in
Till completely overpowered somehow

Then I'll be on your side
Then I always was
Then I'll finally get it
And you'll be the newest buzz

Come on and be my teacher
I Know you're not a saint
But why be so unmerciful
Can't you show some self restraint

For my malignant narcissism
For my rule by power
Aren't the iris's beautiful
Underneath the prisoners tower

I've protected you and loved you
I've forgiven all your sins
Now the least you can do for me
Is to bend enough to be a friend

Maybe then I'd trust you
Maybe if you'd just learn to compromise
You wouldn't have that look you do
When people look you in the eyes

Neils
1:36 am
05/05/2003
*
transcribed this time
7:31 pm
11/03/2006

N.....again

THE DIRTY LITTLE SECRET

THE DIRTY LITTLE SECRET IS
NOT SO SECRET

You're an idiot

You're a control freak and a whiner
All rolled up into one
Somehow somebody sold you
On how you get things done

You think by twisting and turning
And spinning on petty detail
You’re showing how brilliant you are
But you’re coming off weak and pale

You’re an odd combination of arrogance
And impudence speaking as one voice
It’s like you’re trapped by your obsession
And intensity of direction is your only choice

You don’t slow down enough to think
You can’t feel anything but your pride
I can sense the collector coming for you
And wait till you see the price to pay

When you think you're owed a free ride





Neils
10:47 pm
10/05/2006
*
transcribed this time
11:01 pm
10/05/2006


N.....again

Four Questions

Four Questions in search
Of a realization

Do you realize you incite to riot
Provoke to an extreme
The urge that rises up inside
To make your blood flow like a stream

Do you realize your inner compass
Does not know North from South
But maybe that could be corrected
With a two by four to the mouth

Do you realize you're suicidal
And socially suck to the core
And mostly you come off as a
Cross between a whore and a bore

Do you realize your moral equivolency
And knee jerk urge to appease
Is just adding to the speed of the re-bar
That is headed toward your knees


Neils
9:08 am
09/04/2006
*
standard disclaimer as to
intending no "real" violence
by this arrangement of words
at this time
*
transcribed this time
9:37 am
09/04/2006

N.....again

It doesn't

It doesn't make any difference
What any of the others do

The soul in your heart is enough
The sun in the sky is enough
Sometimes it is through tears
That we see who it is that's tough

And sometimes it's the flowers
That hold their head up in the rain
And sometimes it is grace itself
That lifts us up from this life's pain

Sometimes memories go clear
And a clean light comes shining through
Sometimes it is to the whole of the world
When we say to a single person

I love you



Neils
11:05 pm
08/08/2006
*
transcribed this time
10:16 am
08/13/2006


N.....again

She had a streak of violence in her

That took on aspects of a freight train
Or a leopard hunting at night
Or an owl striking silently in the forest
What ever it took to win the fight

She moved with swift decisive deliberation
She could angle in the from the side
Or do a direct all out frontal assault
It was best not to perch on a pedestal of pride

While she was in the area
Sharpening her knives or cleaning her guns
She did not like nancy fancy pants boys
And beat them up just for fun

She liked to wear leather and latex
She gleamed exertion’s sweat
Her eyes shone with intensity and focus
She collected hard on overdue debts

And

Actually it gave her an over all erotic tone
She paid her dues to know her own mind
She walked with confidence and purpose
But even when still you just knew she was

One of the dangerous kind



Neils
11:08 am
08/12/2006
*
transcribed this time
11:44 am
08/12/2006


N....again

Speaking of disgusting

Slobs like you always think you can push
Always think you can sneer and shove
Always think you can get away with
Some sleight of hand and degrading love

You just want to be irritating and demeaning
You don't ever expect a return attack
You always want to keep it petty and bed wetty
Or else you'll whine and come around the back

You're a gutless wonder a nothing
A never was and never ever will be
It's not my fault you don't have the courage
To open your eyes and honestly see



Neils
9:29 pm
08/10/2006
*
transcribed this time
11:14 am
08/12/2006


N.....again

Doctor.....cure thyself

Isn't it time for you

To stick a gun in your mouth
Or at least jump off a roof
There must be some way for you
To get a glimpse at the truth

Perhaps a shotgun
Put firmly under the chin
Would give you access to
Curt Corbain's last grin

Maybe some sleeping tablets
And a bottle of old rye
Anything to get you out of
This life you live as a lie

Maybe a hot shot of heroin
You could go as a rock star
Anything at all to get beyond
Who you sadly pathetically are

How about a razor blade
And a slash across the wrists
In a tub of hot water
And a suicide note that insists

That you are not an idiot
A worthless doctor a hack
Who isn't merely mistaken
But actually doesn't know jack




Neils
9:18 pm
08/10/2006
*
transcribed this time
9:22 pm
08/10/2006


N.....again

She sat down before the overflowing toilet

She sat down before the overflowing toilet
And got herself ready for lunch

She had a big spoon in her back pocket
She had a sanitary napkin tucked under her chin
She looked around her new makeshift diner
And grinned a big ol sh*t eating grin

Because she knew she had it all now
She had daring arrogance and panache
She was the upper crust of elitist defeatists
She was the queen of walking talking trash

No longer just a randumb incident
She was part of life's big suck cess pool
Specifically reserved for the porcelain faithful
She wasn't just another mere regular fool

She basked in all her glory as the
Overhead heater came on glowing red
It helped ripen up all the fumes she drew in
Through her nostrils and through out her head

She had a lust for this type behavior
She wasn't ever going to be held back
She saw the Islamo Fascists thugs mugging
And knew just who to back stab and attack

As she kept repeating the dry statistical numbers
Of the American forces killed in action
Swearing all the time she was for peace of course
Oh but how she loved her perceived slimy traction

****
****

At being beyond all questioning
And definitely out of reach of any doubt
She knew exactly what she was doing
She knew what it was all about

As she gorged down knowing it would
Maker her a remarkable unmistakable winner
Matter of fact to her it felt so right
She kept right on till it was time for dinner

And then kept going for more
And more and more




Neils
11:20 am
08/01/2006
*
transcribed this time
9:12 am
08/02/2006


N....again

Some observations

Some observations
Suggestions and questions

What a loser you've always been...
Get a set of diapers and knee pads
Sit up and watch ol Michael Moore movies
Follow all the latest whiney gutless fads

Till you drop down dead in the dirt
And finally turn into worm food
You worship the babble of rabble
It's no wonder you're totally screwed

Your life is wasted empty hours
Your head is filled with delusions
You've got nothing to offer because
Your mind only wanders in confusion

What beast have you ever faced
What mountain have you ever climbed
What inner fear have you ever conquered
Why have you done on this earth

With your time



Neils
10:15 am
07/12/2006
*
transcribed this time
12:08 pm
07/12/2006


N....again

You and your kind

You and your kind
You haven’t got what it takes

You haven't got what it takes
To cross the rivers
You don't have any rocky crevices
On which you've cut your time

You just want to pretend you're not
A taker but a giver
You don't want to deeply commit
With body spirit and mind

You're empty promise and imitation
You're the hollow empty shell
You peck around the edges of creation
And softly sneak around Freedoms bell

You accuse with a reptiles tongue
You ankle bite and run away
But when turned and faced directly
Suddenly you have nothing to say


Neils
9:31 pm
06/28/2006
*
transcribed this time
9:34 pm
06/28/2006


N....again

Till time is no more

Till time is no more

I do seem to find myself in a world at times where people
Are more concerned with image rather than ability
I do seem to find myself in situations where the focus
Leans more toward what it looks like than a true desire to see

I work hard everyday to distinguish between those
Who would but use my time till time is no more
I am looking for in my searching exchanges something
That will leave both parties a little less poor

In body spirit or mind there is a core
A center that can humble the strongest of strong
Nobody finds their way in this world without somewhere
Having to admit down the line they were wrong

And I still do when the circumstances come to bear
I will however honor truth and courage over falsity and pride
And I will stand on my principals and speak my mind
Frankly I don't even think I can remember

How to hide


Neils
10:27 pm
06/26/2006
*
transcribed this time
7:53 am
06/28/2006


N....again

The challenge stands

Accusations
Fake apologies
And yet....

The challenge stands

Oh yeah
You're lying prostrate and back pedaling profusely now
Genuflecting and taking back what you proclaimed
Were truthful assertions from you and your fellow sacred cows

But still with the back hand at the compliment ready
Still with the jilted tilted slight thin lipped sneer
Still with the no thunder under the breath utterances
Because arrogance won't allow you to admit to your fear

That's why you said everybody cringed when I came in
You said it like Holy victim hood was your sacred shield
You are so used to your race baiter traitor hustle
And sliding away by using the tactical temporary yield

But not this time this time here it is out in the open
This time you have to live out here in public view
This time it's not some clique’s secret bag of tricks
This time it has to be the one and only you

So bring on what you've got use your influence
Bring in the city’s stand up self proclaimed best
Let's see what you've got when nobody has to
Pass through your intentionally demeaning tests

Border security is one of the most important issues
Of this nation and its citizens’ life and times
Why don't all of you and all the sycophants
Of the self appointed and self anointed

Step forth and speak your minds




Neils
10:05 am
06/25/2006
*
this was a response to one of the
"cool kids" from the local scene here is
San Antonio. It is from a discussion
on the Matt.org site.

"Mexicans and Texans Talking"....
And ohhh yeahhh they're pretending as hard
as they can they're all unbiased but
in their best of section of course
they have NO ONE from the
Anti Illegal Alien Invasion
point of view front and center....

transcribed this time
11:06 am
06/26/2006


N....again

The truth

The truth

The truth is in my heart
The truth is in my steel
The truth is in my mind
And is what makes me real

I don't need a baby bottle
I don't need kool aid drinks
Or any Jim Jones wanna be's
To tell me how to think



Neils
7:02 pm
05/31/2006
*
transcribed this time
3:37 am
06/01/2006


N.....again

Dare

Dare to be specific and clear
If you desire to be understood
Implication and light indication
Have their place as both should

But at some point we must
Dare to be specific and clear
Dare to speak plainly
As to what is

Our purpose here




Neils
9:11 pm
05/28/2006
*
transcribed this time
9:35 pm
05/28/2006


N.....again

Merry Merry

Merry Merry quite contrary

What a little bag of pus
Thought he'd leave but it
Made him grieve

So
Now he's come back to us

Pretending to be all outraged
Pretending to give a damn
Still asserting he's all knowing
Still the sacrificial lamb

Offered up by his own arrogance
Offered up on the plate of hate
Doomed to ride the nowhere train
Condemned to his own self chosen fate

Merry Merry quite contrary
Back in his new priggish front
Wants to hit a home run but
He's only got guts enough to bunt

Why does he waste his time
Why is he completely lost
Because the doors to the soul are open
And you don't have to pay the cost

But still he searches his pockets
For nickle shit and dimes
Brushing the truth manically aside
In his mad mad search

For the hidden signs



Neils
9:17 am
05/27/2006
*
transcribed this time
9:22 am
05/27/2006


N....again

A mini-14

A mini-14
And a campers pack

A military compass
And a plan for a counter attack

After the first assault
After all the chaos and death
A place picked out ahead of time
Where one might gather one’s breath

And have access to some water
A place to slip in and out of
When returning back to the study
Of the death angels avenging love

A spyder-co foldable knife
And some MRE’s
A portable virul water filter
Because that’s how it’s going to be

Hard and real
Dirty and down
Once they’ve blown up
Or poisoned your town

Will you have your re-supply
Buried around in different locations
Because it’s going to be a different
World……….a different nation

Flint and steel
Fire and cold
Survival will become
The main business of the soul

And you better have the guts for it
You better grow yourself a back bone
Because everywhere is where danger will be
And everywhere and anywhere will be your home



Neils
8:36 am
05/21/2006

May the blood of the world

May the blood

Of the world
Choke back in your throat
May the chance of your continued
Insulation become progressively remote

Till you are faced with the atrocity
Of some other trash like you
Slaughtered before your very eyes
May you behold this horrific view

And know the pain and sorrow
That were in other people's voices
As once they talked to you of your
Willful naivite by self indlugent choices

And who will you call on then
Who will be your great defender friend
No one because you sold them all out
On the way to meet your shame filled end

How will you walk on broken legs
How will you see out of blinded eyes
How will you ever feel joy again
When all there is left to do is cry



Neils
4:07 pm
05/19/2006
*
transcribed this time
4:15 pm
05/19/2006


N....again

The challenge of the arrogant spoiled brat self proclaimed geniuses and the joke of their creativity in the Alternative Vulture Culture Movement....

Wow you guys are just so zany

Unique and spontaneously creative
So hip to the tricks and all
You're so cool ice is jealous
And is waitin out in the hall

To be invited in to the in club
To be allowed to hang with the gang
That defines avante guarde
That knows all the new valuable slang

I hope you keep coming by
My IQ feels like it increases ten fold
Every time one of you even get near
What secrets of wisdom you must hold

In those huge brains of yours
What depths of soul you do reveal
Every time you come around
And reflect upon what you think is real

No seriously please keep coming
You got the fire power step on in
Let's see if you're steel is tempered
Let's see if you know how like a reed

To bend




Neils
10:26 pm
05/11/2006
*
transcribed this time
11:18 am
05/12/2006


Neils

Trembling leaves

Trembling leaves

I ought to break your window
I ought to break your face
Don’t call the city council
And get back into grace

It’s amazing what you people do
When you think you’re all alone
Things you wouldn’t dream of
Back where you call home

As he hurriedly zipped up his pants
And scuttled back into his car
I saw something better that night
Than his apology would do by far

Upon his hood and fender
Upon his trembling hands
Down the front of the trousers
Of this well dressed man

Yellow droplets wildly sprayed
Driven by panics divine design
If you can’t get their respect
Fear will do just fine

Don’t call up the city council
And get back into grace
Just leave behind your contribution
And forget about this place

Don’t tell’m what
We’re going through down here
Don’t tell’m abouth the neglect
The apathy built up over years

The crime and addictions
Blatantly going on and on
The cycles downward spinning
The repeat offenders con

Just drive off thinking
About how truly lucky you were
To get away from that lower class
Over emotional reactionary cur

And get back to that family
The back bone of your life
Nobody wants the same
For their neighborhood kids and wife

Yeah….

Yellow droplets wildy sprayed
Driven by panics divine design
If you can’t get their respect
Fear will do just fine….



Neils
About 1993
In Manic-y Park
*
transcribed this time
1:53 pm
04/17/2006

N….again

She had but to pretend

She was truly invulnerable

She was skilled at being blase
She was immune to it all
She had but to pretend
And all before her would fall

She could look the other way
If civilization itself burned to the ground
She could walk past the suffering wounded
Without making one single committed sound

Because

She had the kind of style and wit
That went with her hair and clothes
Because mostly it's about appearance
And maybe some of what you dare to know

Oh...she went to all the hip places
She sipped her coffee just so
She wore all the current fragrances
And scrubbed her young face into a glow

That would stay there as long as
The coincidence of youth remained
But in the end we all get the face
That shows how we chose to or not to

Honor the inner flame



Neils
8:21 am
03/22/2006
*
transcribed this time
9:10 am
03/23/2006

N....again

Brain cells and Hair dye

What an impolite
Little twit poser

What is it
Is it your hair color dye
Soaking through
Into your head

That leaves you
This indulgently
Intellectually lazy that
You're almost brain dead



Neils
7:45 am
03/22/2006
*
transcribed this time
9:04 am
03/22/2006

N....again

As to basic values

You have no basic values

You believe in Pacificism till it's inconvenient
You believe in loyalty till it isn't easy
You believe in honor and integrity till
You think you can get more by being sleezy

Essentially you're a moral relativist
And opportunistic excuse making creep
The only important things in the world
To you are the ones you can keep

You are hollow and empty inside
You have no steel no forged core
You have no compass or code
And less honesty and decency

Than a whore


Neils
9:42 am
03/16/2006
*
transcribed this time
9:56 am
03/16/2996

Step up

Step up and tell us

You think you're slick with your trick
You like to walk in the room and provoke
But all you've proved in the end is that
You're the one who's the pathetic joke

You think it's about what you say
But tell us what it is you've done
Have you personally ever stood guard
In the black of the night till dawn

Have you even been on the mat
With somebody trying to take you down
Has somebody ever swung on you
For being such an obvious ass clown

Tell us all about how you faired
When you've fussed ranted and fumed
But being a wise ass wasn't enough
To get you out of a physical room

Tell us all about an act of bravery
That speaks well of your humility and soul
Tell us all about how you've stood in the wind
And bore witness to the rain the pain

And the cold



Neils
1:27 pm
02/24/2006
*
transcribed this time
10:10 am
02/27/2006

All this

All this

All this blame game at every
Twist and turn of second rate fate
And I’m the one you’re up against
I’m the one you say you hate

All this insipid feminization
Of every man who takes a stand
And I’m the one you think
Has got to meet the new demands

All this weak kneed apologizing
And gutless wonders on bended knees
And I’m the one you think
Should bow and scrape to please

All this puffed up pontificating
And excellence be flat out damned
And I’m the one you think
Will be your sacrificial lamb

You’d do better jumping in a fire
Sliding down a ragged jagged grate
Before that opinion with me
Would ever carry any weight

All these garbage spewing doings
And hustlers offering up their chump bait
And I’m the one you’re up against
I’m the one

I’m the one you say you hate



Neils
7:51 pm
02/05/2006
*
transcribed this time
7:33 am
02/06/2006

N....again